What is happiness? And how is that different for an expat?
Did you decide to move abroad hoping to be more unhappy than you are? Of course, not!!
We all do it hoping for (and often 'chasing') a better and happier life!
Most of us have been told that happiness is what comes next, after we work hard to do a good job and progress in our career, get married to the love of our life, have kids (plural!), buy our house, look handsome or pretty... and, for women in the last few generations as well as men, after we become highly-educated and independent.
Yet, for those who chose to live abroad, it feels like happiness is also related to showing others how that decision to go abroad (or yet another country) was wise - personally and professionally - and we've been successful as a result of it.
Following common sense interpretations, happiness is the cake that comes out of the recipe mixing all the above ingredients, sometimes in a specific (time) order... Happiness is what comes at the end. If you're lucky and do it right...
Wrong. So wrong...
How many people who work hard do you know who are not (yet) happy? How many couples, parents, company directors, university professors or even celebrities?
This is an outdated recipe and a scientifically unfounded approach to what happiness truly is. It relies far too heavily on what others think and their expectations; it presumes that happiness cannot happen now; that what you do - not who you are - decides your happiness.
For the past decades (finally!) there has been a lot of research into this field.
The American Psychological Association defines happiness as “an emotion of joy, gladness, satisfaction, and well-being”, though Psychologist/Professor Sonja Lyubomirsky adds some important elements by looking at it as "an enduring state of mind consisting not only of feelings of joy, contentment, and other positive emotions, but also of a sense that one's life is meaningful and valued".
Whether you personally call this state or feeling 'happiness', 'well-being', 'fulfilment', 'satisfaction', 'success' or something else, it seems like most of us -- all of us?! -- have been continuously looking for it!
One of the approaches I most like is the PERMA+V theory of well-being, devised by Martin Seligman (father of Positive Psychology), where each of the letters of this acronym stands for one of its six key elements.
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Taking a closer look at each element:
- Positive Emotions (P) emphasizes the importance of cultivating positive emotions such as joy, gratitude, and serenity. It highlights that engaging in activities that evoke good feelings contribute to a more positive and fulfilling life.
- Engagement (E), also known as 'flow', refers to the state of being fully absorbed and immersed in an activity. When individuals are engaged, they experience a sense of timelessness and complete focus, contributing to a deeper sense of well-being. It's when you get 'happily lost' in doing something :)
- Relationships (R) are all about having meaningful connections with others, which plays a crucial role in our well-being. Building and maintaining positive relationships, whether with friends, family, or a community, fosters a sense of belonging and emotional support.
- Meaning (M) relates to finding purpose and meaning in life. This can be achieved through activities that align with personal (core) values, contributing to a sense of fulfilment and a broader understanding of one's place in the world.
- Accomplishments (A), both big and small, contribute to a sense of competence and mastery. Setting and achieving goals enhances self-esteem and provides a sense of purpose and direction in life.
And, the latest element to be added to this model as a fundamental aspect of overall flourishing,
- Vitality (V) - or physical well-being or 'Positive Health'. Vitality involves maintaining good health and energy levels through proper nutrition, exercise, and self-care. It highlights the interconnectedness of mental and physical well-being.
All of these are elements of well-being that you can practice and build into your life. You were not born to be happy or unhappy; you have chosen (consciously or not, by action or inaction) to pay enough attention to these dimensions or not.
What does this mean for Expats?
There isn't exactly an official PERMA+V model for expats, but I'll dare say it can easily be adjusted if we give it a little thought and apply ourselves to put it into practice :)
Expatriates and international professionals often face unique challenges and experiences associated with living in a different country which can hinder or enhance our well-being.
Once again, taking each of the well-being elements in turn, here's how each element of the model could apply to an expat's life:
- Positive Emotions (P): Embracing positive emotions is crucial for an expat navigating a new cultural environment. Focusing on aspects of the host culture that bring you joy, curiosity, or excitement can help in adapting positively to the new surroundings. I remember when I spent several weekends just wondering around with my camera around Brussels admiring the local architecture and noticing how pretty it was (and I'm not into buildings that much)!
- Engagement (E): Immersing oneself in local activities, traditions, and social events can foster a sense of engagement. This not only helps in building connections with the host community but also allows expats to experience a deeper connection to their new home. If you are in the Netherlands, for example, you might have celebrated King's Day, Sinterklaas or joined a pride parade. Or maybe you just got yourself to start learning the local language and have been practicing it at local cafés.
- Relationships (R): Building and maintaining relationships with locals, as well as fellow expats, is vital for a renewed sense of belonging. Establishing a support network helps in coping with the challenges of living in a foreign country and contributes to a sense of community. Nowadays, one of the first things you might try to search social media for local Expat groups or join networks like InterNations and MeetUp groups. I suggest you also find a hobby you can practice with the locals, whether that is playing a sport, getting into volunteering (that's how/why I joined the local Repair Café) or some artistic endeavour.
- Meaning (M): Finding meaning in the expatriate experience involves understanding the purpose behind the move. This could include career development, personal growth, love, or cultural exploration. Aligning your expat journey with your personal core values will further enhance your sense of purpose. No one else but you can figure out what this purpose is for you; you need to put some time into it, dare it reflect, and to reconnect (or update) whenever you start feeling lost.
- Accomplishment (A): Setting and achieving goals related to your expatriate experience, whether professional or personal, will contribute to a sense of accomplishment (make sure to link these also to your 'meaning' element). Overcoming challenges and adapting to a new environment can boost self-esteem and resilience. I first moved to the Netherlands because I had been offered an amazing Chief Executive job and I knew I wanted to explore this opportunity to grow and develop new skills, but I also knew there would be some cultural challenges to overcome - not simply the language, but especially a different way of working as well as of socialising and making friends; figuring out my way around these made me feel much more 'at home'.
- Vitality (V): Prioritizing physical well-being is essential for expatriates (for anyone, of course). Maintaining a healthy lifestyle, including proper nutrition, regular exercise, and adequate rest (including relaxation and sleep), helps in adapting to the new environment and managing stress. However, it can take quite a while until you can adjust yourself to the new ingredients available in the supermarket (and the lack of others you'd easily find back home), to the new working hours and rhythm or associated resting times, or the types of exercise most easily available (even if it means simply biking everywhere). I had to let things go very wrong (and painful) before I understood the real risks associated with not paying enough attention to this element. Take action about it now, not later!
I hope you've found this overview helpful and can take some ideas and tips from it.
Finding your well-being abroad is not something to take care of later, when you have the time and are not so busy! If you came to find some sense of happiness, don't loose focus of that and prioritise it so you can have a positive and fulfilling experience in your new cultural context.
Obviously, like anyone else, expats can benefit from integrating mental and physical health practices, seeking professional support, and adopting a proactive approach to overall well-being.
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